[Life] Home

My parents and I went to MMU (Multimedia University, Cyberjaya) this morning to hand in my registration form, and made some enquiries. I went there earlier to buy the form, the malay staffs were rather friendly (or else they wouldn't have been in the Human Resource and Student Admission Dept.).

The facilities are pretty normal, not very impressive, but I was excited. It's not the normal excitement - I was excited and very impressed when I visited LUCT earlier, but this joyful mood is enjoyable, it's warm, it's home. And I met my high school senior when I just stepped out of the cafe. We stared at each other for a second (it's long) and I started smiling and happily greeted her. We didn't really talk, I was with my parents, she was with her friends. But I felt so glad.

We seldom talk even when I was her junior, we were considered close, but we didn't talk as often. Whenever I see her, it seemed like I have a lot of things to share, but I just don't know where to start, and I always feel safe and secure when she's there to look after me, even though we didn't talk. How long since I last felt this way? The feeling of someone that you can count on.

I miss her. I miss my seniors. I miss my life as a weak and ignorant junior, when you still have a bunch of reliable seniors for you to lean on, and always there to guide you, to make you a better person. They did their best for us, and I did my best as a good follower.

I'm looking forward to my new life in the university. I can't wait to join the activities, I don't even know which to drop. I'm glad that they don't allow double major, or else I don't think I'll have any time for CCA (Co-curiculum Activities).

I'll bring some of my memories, some of my passion, some of my innocence and a little of my everything to my university.

I feel so young, full of hope and bursting with energy.

Actually I haven't receive the confirmation letter. Well, they'll regret if they reject my admission. o_o

[梦呓] 逮

释义：
逮
（1）捉。
（2）及，到。

（请自行判断接下来的“逮”之意。）


我不会站在原地不动，我会站在最前端，你们都在我之后。
如果有谁值得我逮，我也会像你们逮我一样去逮住他。
曾逮过一个，但他后来坏掉了、烂掉了，我就把他抛掉、踢掉。

暂无人让我觉得想逮的，只有人在后想逮我。
我不会因自己将被逮而停下脚步、而投降，
我有比逮人更吸引的梦待我去追。
也许偶尔我会回头，但我不会停下脚步。

你要是有本事，就趁我回头之时
从我的外壳探入我内心最深处，窥视我的梦境、我的抱负、我的需求、我的渴望，
用我的方式； 让我跪下仰望着你，心甘情愿地被你俘虏。

你若没有这个本事，你休想逮到我。
你就继续望着我朦胧的背影，嗅着我留下的淡香，嚼着因我快步奔走而扬起的尘土沙砾。

我有我的自负。

[Life] I'm Upset

This post is meant to be full of angst and anger, and here I point my accusing finger(s) to you, you and you.

Just tell me if you got something to say. If you're a mute like me, write me a letter, or even type an email, or the instant way, messenger and sms.

You irresponsible cowards.

Please kindly inform me if there's a change to the original plan. You're not the only one who's busy. I need to make changes to my original plan to suit your plan. And when I just got back late at night and ask you how's the detailed plan for tomorrow and you told me it has been cancelled. What now? You ***.

You're not the first and only one who had done this to me. That's why I don't do things when I'm unsure about everything. I'm glad that I haven't call up my friend to do you that favour. Or else it'll only be some meaningless work.

When you said you'll come in the morning, make sure you appear in front of me, don't give stupid excuses like "oh the sun is too hot". You didn't PAY me for my hard work, you ***ers, I was just being kind to help you out. Don't take everything for granted.

I know you'll only say that I'm only an emotional and a bad-tempered jerk, but I know what I care.

Cowards. Idiots. Jerks. $@#!*%.

[Life] Craving for a Change

I think I'm going back to God, I somehow feel closer to Him again.

But I'm keeping myself away from some people. I distanced myself from my family and my close friends, those who are supposed to be close to me, who used to share my joy and my sorrow. I sometimes don't even feel like going back home nor going back to school.

I don't feel like returning to where I belong, or where I used to belong, because I don't think I belong here anymore. I couldn't feel that way anymore.

And I exactly heard what my mind was saying - let's change.

I need a change of the same old environment. I think I can adapt to new situations better than to stuck with the same old place back in here. I want a total change, people and place.

I've graduated from my high school, which means I'm no longer a high school student, I'm leaving my school, leaving the teachers, leaving my juniors behind, leaving my friends. People say friends are for you to lean on. Well, sometimes I have to admit it, but it doesn't mean that you can depend on them anytime and anywhere. You got what I mean? You have to depend on yourself, you're living on your own, walking your own path after all, it has nothing to do with them.

I'm unconsciously keeping myself away from them, because I don't feel the need to depend on them mentally. Practically, I still need to keep in touch with them, who knows they might help me in my future, that's what public relations and communication experts do, because they are useful to us, or they might be.

Am I independent? I'm not interested to answer this question. I'm only trying my best to stand alone, to depend less on people (for my inner thoughts and feelings), because they aren't really that good, you know, they aren't there when you really need them. That is why, you just have to train yourself up to loosen your grip.

I'm not really that distant, pals. But you'll understand what I mean, because you're just like me.

[梦呓] 逞强

该说的就要说，拖拖拉拉没意思。
明明就是你的意思，为何偏偏一定要从我口中说出来？
既然我知道一定是由我说出的，那我就要彻彻底底地公布。

既然是我的决定，我不会后悔。
事情这样子，我应该高兴，一切因我而起，最后也由我放句点。
多少次偷偷地为你哭泣，你不会知道，你不用知道，你也不会想知道。

最后送给你的那份礼物，是出自真心的，卡片上的每一字，也是真的。
我从不会给你什么诺言，因为我知道都是骗人的，就像你给我的一样，还好我从不曾把它们当真过。
我知道最后一定会如此，只是我还是坚持要送给你，花了多少时间，你不用知道。

我还是坚持要尽我的责任，尽我对你的心疼，完成给你最后的礼物，你那天回头走了，我还把你叫住了，还是把礼物送到你手里了。

礼物是什么，你知道，我知道。这些事不需要说得太明白， 礼物到底是真的还是假的。

你有太多你不知道的事，我有太多想让你知道的事，而你又有太多我很想知道的事，而你从来都不让我知道，也没有很想去知道我的事。

我明白，一直以来，都只是我在逞强。
我很固执，我知道，我喜欢逞强，我知道，就只有你不知道而已。

因为到最终，我还是哭了。

[Life] Fade Away

[Read related post]

"I hope the red doesn't fade away before I give it to you."
My hope has been fulfilled - it (officially) faded after I gave the present to you.

Honestly I tried to hold on, but you're the one who first gave up - that made no reason for me to hold on anymore. And I just have to voice up the matter - because I bet you won't.

Glad that your exams has finished and my camp was over and we're back at home, back on MSN messenger.

I brought up the topic, suggested the solution, and you agreed to it.

I'm glad because I prefer to stand on a stable ground than to walk on a path leading to nowhere.

I still have to say, thank you for everything, they're much appreciated.