[诗词] 恒爱着

我把我的爱恋
都沉到海里了。

恋
在海里挣扎着，
不甘心地喘着
呼吸着你。

你仍站在那里微笑
让我心动的那一个微笑。
那天
我把你的美丽
溺在海里了。

我用最华丽的画框
镶起我们的爱。然后
我把自己也
溺在海里了。

哪天
我俩会在水上漂着
没什么
只是两具胀烂的尸体。

永恒了，
我们。

(english version)

[诗词] Forever

I drowned
my infatuation in the sea.
But
Was struggling in the sea;
Was gasping -
For you.

You were there smiling.
You were still beautiful.
That day
I drowned
your beauty in the sea.

I placed a picture frame
around us. Then
I drowned
myself in the sea.

Someday
Both of us will buoy on the sea.

Like corpses -
And nothing else.

Forever.

(chinese version)

[梦呓] 18岁的圆舞曲

开始了。
仿佛，电影般的戏剧化。
或说，现实般的连续剧。

单纯的校园生活，单纯的话题。
朋友、老师、演唱会、连续剧、电影、补习、生活营、活动。
曾是很遥远的事--爱情，
就也成了话题之一，日常化了。
像戏里头的年轻人，
谈着她的他，谈着迷茫的未来，谈着自己的钱途。

校园生活如常，
课业活动依然忙碌，时间分配依然糟糕，
也依旧睡眠不足。
依然之中，却穿插着很多第一次。

这些第一次，
比第一次参加某训练营、第一次参与校际某团体大型会议、第一次当主席、第一次犯校规……
更让人耿耿地难忘。

是否像初中那年第一次穿着校服在人群里迷了路？
还是第一次坐在巴士里不停地拍照闪着镁光灯？

不知道，就是不一样的第一次。
要开新的文件夹 (New Folder) 来储存的，因为它不属于任何一个原有的文件夹。
不是俗，这确实是第一次。

第一次拒绝？第一次因此而尴尬？第一次心疼？
第一次告白？第一次拉手？第一次相拥？第一次思念？
初恋吗？初吻吗？初尝禁果吗？

如果你之前说的是真的，那么我的第一次也会是你的第一次。
不太粘，我喜欢。偶尔见面，保持一下我们的温度。
虽然，有时候，我会莫名地担心。

我不是柔弱的小女人。
听起来此地无银三百两，就当我逞强好了。
至少，我的软弱，不是每个人都看得见。
好胜吗？好听点儿，自尊心强吗？ 随你吧。

男女平等。 我不会在乎一些观念，
如男主外、女主内，男生应该承担一切女朋友的费用，男生要主动、女生要被动，
女生要发脾气、调高售，男生要忍、要哄，男生可以这样那样、女生不可以这样那样……
这些大男人小女人的废话，我受不了。

生理上的不平等，我们没办法做些什么。
但是，在责任上，我总觉得双方是可以相互平等的。
只是原始的观念始终根深蒂固地活在那里。原始人，也是如此了。
留下来的潜意识，我也无能为力。
是本能吗？男生的本能，就是保护弱女子，喜欢自己被需要着。
因此，女生不会在自己喜欢的人面前逞强。

我曾大声说过，
一个聪明的女人是在适当的时候装笨的女人。

不知道他听到了这句话会如何，但我不怕让他知道我想的。
我敢说的、我敢做的，我也一样敢承认，对于这些，
我不会小人假惺惺，就像我不懂得假斯文一样。
但我不敢承认我聪明，因为我不晓得
我何时装了笨、何时假了聪明。

我说了，这是本能，我的本能啊。

我是一朵艳丽刺人的高傲野玫瑰不需要什么自己生自己活因你我变成了依偎在你怀里你爱的清纯白色康乃馨每晚悄悄在你耳边说亲爱的晚安

你听到了吗？
开始了，我们的圆舞曲。
我的心仍为你而跳着舞，
我们的圆舞曲还没结束。

[Life] 不爽

其实我并没有那么反感；其实我是可以接受的。
只是你说我穿那条裙很好看时，我就觉得非常不好看了。
我没有特别针对你，只是从平时交谈中，我知道我们的想法是格格不入的。怎么双子座们都习惯说话这么不经大脑又直中带刺吗？
既然有刺，我当然会用我的壳来保护我自己。
于是，你给的建议、你喜欢的东西、你认为理所当然的事，
我都很排斥、很抗拒。
我没有很明显地表露我的不爽，毕竟我还是会给面子他的。
我没有刻意这么反叛。毕竟我觉得好的东西，不管你说什么，他还是好的，我相信我自己。
只是我觉得不太好的东西，你却说好，我就会更觉得不好。你的建议与支持只会带来反效果，你明吗？

我就是不爽你。

[梦呓] Insecure

1. Not sure or certain; doubtful
2. Lacking stability; troubled
3. Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety

(Horoscopes magazines say that cancerians tend to feel insecure in most times.)



I don't think I'm the sacrificing type of people, although sometimes the things I did, people say that I'm a dedicated one. But in my opinion, I guess deep in my heart I wanted something in return. I was dedicated for my activities, since I know I'll gain experience that others wouldn't have if they didn't take part. I treat some people nicely, because my belief tells me that they will treat me nicely too. I wouldn't mind to share my feelings, my knowledge and my every thing with you, if you're willing to share yours.

Yes, I wanted something in return.

That's why I have a constant fear for most of the things I'm doing and will be doing. I'm afraid that I wasn't good enough to reach my own expectations. That is why... I don't really ask for anything other than health of my family and friends in my prayers to God, I know that I’m not worth it. God, it doesn't matter whether you believe in Him or not. God is here with you if you believed that He exists. I believe what I believed in. Just like you believe in what you believed.

I don't really share my secrets, if it's really a deep and dark secret, why would I even bother to tell anyone? If I had tell anyone about something, then I'll not be surprised if someday and someone knows it, since it's all within my expectations.

I felt insecure when everything just happened out of my supposition. I don't know what your reaction is if I tell you stories and fantasies. I know that it's nice to be unpredictable sometimes, but not as unpredictable like this. I don't know how you feel. I don't know what you're thinking.

I just don't want to know that our hearts are actually so distant and vain.

Perhaps, I'm just too sensitive.

[诗词]我总觉得

我总觉得
你的怀抱
比厅里的暖炉还要暖
我赖床一般不愿离开

我总觉得
你的味道
比毒品更易让人上瘾
我奢侈地大口呼吸着

我总觉得
你的话语
比圣经更有感染力
我绝对信仰与服从

我总觉得
你的 吻
比红酒更灼更粘更柔
我被征服了无法自拔

我总觉得
我是爱上了你。

[Indulgence] RPG

Have you ever played any role-playing games before?

When I was small, we used to play the family game (家家酒). Either we played with masak-masak (needed to prepare daily meals or to open a restaurant), stuffed dolls (needed to fill the the positions of children and pets, or even neighbours), mom's old handbags (needed when the mama goes to the market), else we would be replaying the scene of the drama shown the day before. Yeah, and there was Barbie doll. Dress her up beautifully. With my own hanky and some unwanted piece of cloth, ribbons, wrappers, rubber bands, basically anything. To fulfill some of my own desires and little dreams. Everything will be perfect if added imaginations - something that we are slowly losing as we grow.

As I grow, there are computer games. Cool RPGs. Cool adventures. Cool experience. I can decide whether I wanted to be a chaotic evil or a lawful good guy. Choose my own weapons. Skills. Magic spells. Finish off the enemies. Give him a head shot. Slice them. Level up and gain new power, and become stronger. And most of all, in games, we can save and load. Yes, LOAD game. My favourite part. The mistakes would be undone and I can play it differently to get the ending I wanted. The fate of our characters is in our own hands.

Role-playing games, simply make dreams come true.

I'm the cursed and fiery assassin.


I kill cute things. (Yeah, including the cute bard down there.)


I kill macho big bulls and frail lil' mages. (The other assassin just failed to take them down. Pity.)


I hate bugs. Grrr. /pif.


Those two are my subordinates. Notice those sunglasses? Oh well, they just like to follow my style.


Oh yeah, and these are my slaves.


*Pals, sorry for abusing our screenshots. Ahaha. /gg.*

Well, real life role-playing aren't that satisfying. One can be a father, a husband, a son, a friend, a colleague and other roles at the same time. The wider the range of the roles one play, the bigger and heavier one's responsibility is. Even one role can be divided to a few roles. For example, a student. He can be a prefect, a senior, a junior, a president of a club, a teacher's helper, a good friend, a popular kid...you name it. The bitter part of the real life RPG is he cannot undo any decisions made or actions taken.

Things won't really go our way in real life. It's not easy to play all your roles at the same time. It's tiring. But I didn't deny that it is enjoyable (Just like bittergourd, I like the bitterness and the sweetness it gives). You get to learn, to experience, and so you'll know how others feel if they're in your shoes.

I don't know how it works, but I still think that role-playing makes dreams come true.

[梦呓]请用心

没有表情
但我要你看见我的挣扎
没有声音
但我要你听见我的呐喊