[Indulgence] Excorcism of Emily Rose

I watched "Excorcism of Emily Rose" in the cinema this afternoon.
I thought that you might know it - I was crying and sneezing and not sneezing because I'm cold.

It touched me, deeply, throughout the whole movie.

This is the epitaph on Emily's grave:

"Work out your salvation with fear and trembling." (Phil 2:12)

The quote below is taken from Grace Place - Work Out Your Salvation.

"To work out your own salvation is to solve by means of going to the very source of our salvation, going into the Word to renew our hearts and minds and to come into His presence with "fear and trembling." The fear spoken here in NOT a fear of running from God, but a different type of fear, a "reverence". A fear of not knowing that causes us to seek God and His presence. "Trembling" refers to a shaking due to weakness, but this is also a weakness of higher purpose-a weakness that brings us to depend on God."

But my weakness caused me to run away from God. I cried because I know He hasn't and never ever gave up on me, even though I ran away.

I cried, because I know that I'm not on the right path now, I didn't feel like that - like Erin did, but I did had that feeling before. I did.

I cried, because God has always been there for me, and I turned my back, so that I wouldn't notice Him.

I cried, for my weakness and faithless inside.

I cried, because it reminded me of Your first miracle to me when I was 10, when I was praying - or more like talking to you sincerely in my kiddy ways.

I cried, because I miss God.

My weakness leads to the devil in me, I will try to walk on the right path again - I just need time, to regain my courage inside. 愿主永远与我同在。

Thank you for guiding me to watch this movie. Thank you. It has always been your way to communicate with me.

奉主耶稣之名，阿门。

[梦呓/诗词] Trapped

In a room
I locked myself in
It was warm and cozy
Although it's only one dark room.

Trusting my feelings
I tried to turn on the switch
Not expecting any light
Not at all.

A habit perhaps
To reach for the switch
In dark rooms.
Nope, nothing happened
As I expected.

I felt relieved, there is
No miracles after all
And nothing has changed
So I thought.

But later I heard a soft 'tick'
The light was on
Shyly, slowly
The room became brighter
The warmth of miracles.

Brighter and brighter
Not too bright, nor too dim
I enjoyed the company of the light.

It dimmed after some time
I thought it was The end of the miracle.

I slowly reached for the switch
Trying to find out the reason
The light muttered softly
Perhaps I was too sensitive
I told myself
There was nothing wrong.

Dimmer and dimmer
Not too dim, or is it too dark?
Perhaps I was too sensitive again
There wasn't any light
At all.

Dark, cold and quiet
No warmth, no light
I touched the switch
Which was still ignoring me.

Waiting for it to work
Please, just a little, very dim light
I need to know where the door is
So that I could get out.

I prayed.

“寂寞是一個人的狂歡　狂歡是一群人的寂寞
寂寞　因為讓別人走進了生命。”

（Quoted from daCorn）

非常非常地喜欢这句话。
也许我也很寂寞，
因为不小心打开了心窗
让他走进了我心里。
困着了。

[Indulgence] Shut Up

I have one plastic brown-crepe-paper-wrapped container, carrying my poster colours (something which I never know how to use it properly and artistically), and on the outside I wrote 'SHUT UP'. I didn't take any photos of it, so I couldn't show you.

I did a series of doodles named 'Shut Up' too, using dolls with sewn mouths as models.

Have you ever tell others to shut up? I did, but not much. I tell myself to shut up more. Because my mind's too noisy. Sometimes we just need to sew up our mouths in order to finish our work effectively.

Here are the doodles. Click the images for larger version (linked to original link).

[Life] Sinful

I'm avoiding God.
I'm scared because I'm sinful.
I feel so faraway from You.

I know you're still with me, but I'm the one who's running away from You.

Because I'm so sinful that I don't dare to face You anymore.
I forgot how long have I been running away and closing my eyes.
But I told others to depend on You, to pray to You.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

[Quiz] Color Quiz

Li+Wen took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Seeks the determination and elasticity of will nec..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Here are my results.

Li Wen's Existing Situation

Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an esthetic atmosphere of peace and tenderness.

Li Wen's Stress Sources

Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihood of succeeding. Feels that she has a right to anything she might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against her. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees herself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others.

Li Wen's Restrained Characteristics

Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity providing no turmoil or emotional agitation is involved.

Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Li Wen's Desired Objective

Seeks the determination and elasticity of will necessary to establish herself and to make herself independent despite the difficulties of her situation. Wants to overcome opposition and achieve recognition.

Li Wen's Actual Problem

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety. Desires recognition and position, but is worried about her prospects. Reacts to this by protecting at any criticism and resisting any attempt to influence her. Tries to assert
herself by meticulous control of detail in an effort to strengthen her position.

Li Wen's Actual Problem #2

Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This sense of powerlessness, combined with frustration that she cannot control events, subjects her to agitation, irritation, and acute distress. She tries to escape these by stubborn insistence on her own point of view, but the general condition of helplessness renders this often unsuccessful. Is therefore very sensitive to criticism and quick to take offense.

[梦呓] 梦呓

当我以为一切已回归伊甸园之时
当我以为那锈铁笼已被销毁之时

当我以为我的盾和枪能够顶挡万枪刺穿万盾之时
当我以为苹果掉在我头上能够写上一篇论文之时

当我以为一切都在我手中之时
当我以为自己是神之时



我最害怕的就是醒过来。

[梦呓] Out of the Cage

(Caged.)
(Still Caged.)

I'm free.
I've gotten out of the cage.
I'm happy.

Others feel empty when they are out of the cage.
They feel meaningless.
They don't know where to go.
They don't know what to do.

But I'm really glad that I didn't feel what they are feeling.
Because I'm free.

Free to start a new dream.
Free to build a new road.

[Life] Sometimes

People shouldn't just open their mouth and make some noise without going through their brain.
They think they're funny and humorous, but they are not.
They act like they want you to slap them in their face, they won't be satisfied if you only poke them gently; and when you slap them, they scream and cry and make a big fuss out of it and say you're very harsh.
If they're pissed off of my unfriendly attitude, I guess I would feel not-so-pissed.

Well.
You may say that I'm sensitive, paranoid, _______, ________, ________. (Fill in the blanks)


But sometimes, you just know whom you click with and whom you don't.

[Indulgence] Throwing Away The Memories?

1. Cleaning up the rooms.
   
2. Flipping through the old notes and books on the shelves.
3. Thought I went back to the past, some of the memories were still warm and loud.
4. But I need to get rid some of the memories, or it'll become a burden.
5. Piling up the unwanted books and notes, packing the still useful books back to the shelves.
6. Piled up papers will be tied and be recycled.
7. My memories of them will have been hidden somewhere inside my brain without them to remind me.
8. Let memories be memories.
9. Sometimes I'm tired of looking back. But without the past, I'm nothing.
10. So I just take note of some of the important things I want to remember.
11. Let the other miscellaneous memories hide somewhere else.
    
12. I didn't know I have been keeping Lu Zhi Jing's Mathematics for years.
13. So many stuffs. So many memories. So much money spent.
    
14. Memories doesn't need to be reminded every second.
    
15. That's why I always feel lighter after the clean-ups.
16. Sometimes I'm just lazy.
17. Procrastinating, you know.
18. Just like now. *giggles*