[梦呓/诗词] Trapped
In a room
I locked myself in
It was warm and cozy
Although it's only one dark room.
Trusting my feelings
I tried to turn on the switch
Not expecting any light
Not at all.
A habit perhaps
To reach for the switch
In dark rooms.
Nope, nothing happened
As I expected.
I felt relieved, there is
No miracles after all
And nothing has changed
So I thought.
But later I heard a soft 'tick'
The light was on
Shyly, slowly
The room became brighter
The warmth of miracles.
Brighter and brighter
Not too bright, nor too dim
I enjoyed the company of the light.
It dimmed after some time
I thought it was The end of the miracle.
I slowly reached for the switch
Trying to find out the reason
The light muttered softly
Perhaps I was too sensitive
I told myself
There was nothing wrong.
Dimmer and dimmer
Not too dim, or is it too dark?
Perhaps I was too sensitive again
There wasn't any light
At all.
Dark, cold and quiet
No warmth, no light
I touched the switch
Which was still ignoring me.
Waiting for it to work
Please, just a little, very dim light
I need to know where the door is
So that I could get out.
I prayed.
I locked myself in
It was warm and cozy
Although it's only one dark room.
Trusting my feelings
I tried to turn on the switch
Not expecting any light
Not at all.
A habit perhaps
To reach for the switch
In dark rooms.
Nope, nothing happened
As I expected.
I felt relieved, there is
No miracles after all
And nothing has changed
So I thought.
But later I heard a soft 'tick'
The light was on
Shyly, slowly
The room became brighter
The warmth of miracles.
Brighter and brighter
Not too bright, nor too dim
I enjoyed the company of the light.
It dimmed after some time
I thought it was The end of the miracle.
I slowly reached for the switch
Trying to find out the reason
The light muttered softly
Perhaps I was too sensitive
I told myself
There was nothing wrong.
Dimmer and dimmer
Not too dim, or is it too dark?
Perhaps I was too sensitive again
There wasn't any light
At all.
Dark, cold and quiet
No warmth, no light
I touched the switch
Which was still ignoring me.
Waiting for it to work
Please, just a little, very dim light
I need to know where the door is
So that I could get out.
I prayed.
“寂寞是一個人的狂歡 狂歡是一群人的寂寞
寂寞 因為讓別人走進了生命。”
非常非常地喜欢这句话。
也许我也很寂寞，
因为不小心打开了心窗
让他走进了我心里。
困着了。
posted by lili at 10:49 pm
6 Comments:
Comments and critique are encouraged. Thank you.
Random comments:
1. Locked, already being locked for a long time?
2. One dark room seems abit weird. "a dark room"
3. None would have conveyed the nothingness better.
4. But is sudden, later is "future that is known". Together it felt odd.
Compared to the past, it lacks the openness that those have thus not leaving too much for the imagination.
Like the ending though.
1. Does it matter? Hmm just... locked.
2. I used 'a' at first, lolz.
3. Hmm... none of what? The nothingness of...? Sorry, I don't get this one.
4. I guess it's probably the past tense in English made the 'future that is known'. Because my primary idea doesn't have any 'future' in it.
5. I see, maybe I'm trying too hard to communicate with everyone, maybe because I can't in real. But the lack of openness is also due to this post is originally categorized under 梦呓 only, and I added the 诗词 category, just wanted to know how well I am telling a story in a 'poem'.
And thank you, I appreciate your comments very much.
Hmm.....I don't really know how to explain....
Not: 1 used to express negative 2 less than
None: 1 not any 3 no one
So none would be more absolute I guess
And about the future thing, I don't thing it was really in later. But later gives a sense of knowing that it would happen. (ex. I'm going to school later)
Hmm I can briefly get what you mean by now ^^. I'll try another one later.
Later, as in the near future. ;)
later or not?
Hehe. I'll try explaining if I see you on MSN.
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