[Thoughts] Names

Does your name hold any meaning?
Mine does.




Even there are names for today.

Happy Merdeka Day. (Read Janet's post)
Happy Blog Day. (What is Blog Day?)

And of course it means much more.





(Edited on 1st of September, 2005:)
What is a blog?

[Life] She Stared At Her Index Finger For Hours

She hurt her left index finger on the 13th of August, 2005.
She has no idea how she got the bruise.
She felt a slight cramp on the finger when she tried to pick up the ball during PE (Physical Education) lesson.
She looked at her finger, felt a slight pain on the slightly reddened swollen finger.

Reminded her of The Cyst.
It got more swollen. The skin had turned greenish. Then bluish purple.
About 9 hours later, it looked like this.



Two days later, with the help of Olfen Gel, her finger looked like this.


Yes, it was getting better.

Until today, her finger is normal.
No scars. No pain.

Cacat.

[Life] Comparing Love

I would consider long when people ask me who will I place in the first place. My friends, my family, or my significant half? It was hard to answer, because I treat them equally.

Family are people who are blood-related to us since we were born. They know my habits at home but they don't know who I am when I'm at work. They don't know my achievements and my social skills with my superior and team mates.

Friends are people whom we meet as we grow. They are nice to be with, but they don't know who I am at home, they don't know who I am behind them. They don't know how I look under my skin, since most of the times, we were just talking craps and nothing more.

The significant other might as well as a lover, is someone that we lay special feelings on. I thought he would be someone like my friend and my family, so that he'll know different sides of me, the more complete me, but he couldn't and I didn't make him to be one. We need time. But he know the other side of me that nobody else's know.

Every relationship holds different meanings to me, so I don't compare. But if I really had to choose, I'll place my family as my first priority. Because I am fated to be their burden since I was born. They have the somewhat responsibility to look after me. They won't abandon me (completely) no matter how bad I am.

But the others might.

Thus I trust my blood - which is thicker than water.

For my own good.

But I still treat them equally now, because nobody wants me to choose.

If I didn't mention that I love them, it doesn't mean that I don't love them.
Just like if you don't talk, nobody will think that you're a mute.

[梦呓] 崩溃 / Break Down

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I added some colours, but I forgot how to colour nicely.

That's why sometimes colours are annoying.
Don't ask about these scraps.
I don't know.

When I have nothing to hold on to, I feel like suiciding.

[Life] My Number

She asked for my number and I gave it to her.
She messaged and I thought it was her.
'She' called but it was a 'he'.

He introduced himself.
He asked if I remember him.
Yes I said and we talked.
He asked if I mind that she didn't tell me.
She didn't tell me that she was asking it for him.

I said I don't mind because it's not necessary.
I couldn't do anything about it.

Some friends have my number, but they didn't call.
I didn't call them either.

Lucky that we didn't lost each other's numbers.
Since we lost the topics.
I hope that the feelings are with the numbers,
And not with the topics.

But somehow
Some feelings were lost.

[诗词] 乞丐

半透明的细针 嘀嗒嘀嗒
垂直落在屋檐上
为什么不会是 温柔的
叮咛叮咛呢
躺在霉湿的纸皮上
有了被单 我没有被子
我瑟缩在一角
垂死般的瘫痪

络绎不绝的双脚 踢踏踢踏
在我半遮的眼前
为什么不会像 木鱼声
平静安稳呢
想着昨日的今天
忘了什么 也想不起什么
最初的梦想
寂寞地腐烂

发黄变样的纸杯装了
两角的希望 忽 那里
闪过了一个铜板 我向它伸手
拼了命 莫及啊
有小手指捡了
高跟鞋似乎也骂了什么
也不难过 为日常琐事

心情很静
比停格的画面还要定
我似乎 也
期待着奇迹般的
绿洲吧

[梦呓] 说话

我们说了好多话。
是你说得比较多，还是我说得比较多呢？
一开口，我们总是没完没了。

有些人一开口，我就不想和他说话了。

我们难得的投契。
可是我们现在这个样子，就像我和他当初那样。
我好久没跟他说话了。

我多么希望我和他可以像我和你那样，像我和他以前那样。
我很想跟他说话。

可是我一开口，就会忽觉词穷。
虽然我有很多话想说。

[Thoughts] A Stupid Story

People used to post and forward love stories and give comments like "Oh, how sweet!"
Sometimes I wonder how old is the author who wrote the stories. You can read the story below, but there are some frequent grammar mistakes and the author used the word 'text' as a verb.

Jane is a typical college girl who enjoys life to the fullest.
She loves her boyfriend so much and texts him every now and then.
Mark is Jane's boyfriend who works in a call center in los angeles.
He's always busy doing so many things. He only manage to reply to Jane's texts when he got off from work.
One time mark receive a message from jane :
"hi baby! how are you? i miss you! call my house when u get home..take care! i love you!"

mark ignored the message because he always receive the same message whenever it is time for him to go home from work.

"baby, i miss you..did u eat yet?! take care when you get home! ill be waiting for your call..i love you!"

"baby, where are you?! its unfair that you dont reply to my texts... well, im just gonna wait for your call..i love you!"

Mark reaches home and lay on his bed. The last time he knew is that he's reading Jane's text. He was so tired he fall asleep and wasn't able to return jane's call. He can still hear his phone beeps but he's too tired to take a glimpse on the message.
When he woke up the next day, he remembers that he needs to call Jane. He ignored the
messages and dialed Jane's .
No one's answering in her house. He called up her cellphone and he was surprised that her father answered the call. In his voice you can feel his tears and hear his heart tearing apart.

"Mark, why havent you called?. Jane was waiting for your call all night!"

"Dad im sorry. i fell asleep being so tired from work... i was calling ur house but no one was
answering. where are you? so i can come over."

"Just meet me at jane's house." Mark went to Jane's house and much to his surprised he saw a
lot of people inside. The house were so lighted but you can see the gloom on every person you'll meet there. He was greeted by Jane's mom on tears.
She hug him tight and cried on his shoulders.

"Jane was waiting for you. She didnt come with us because she was waiting for your call. She was killed by robbers that broke in our house. Shes gone, Mark. She's gone."

"thats impossible..she texted me..how could this happen!"

Mark can't look who's inside the coffin. He can't move and it feels like his whole body is stuck on the chair hes seating on. He wanted to cry but it seems that something is blocking his tears to fall down. He turned to his phone and read the messages of Jane.

"baby, im not coming with my mom and dad.. im just gonna wait for your call.."

"baby..im so scared... it seems like theres someone downstairs..please call me now!"

"baby..someones here..they might kill me.. please call me now, where are you? i need you here..."

"baby.... i love you!..."

He wanted to shout and cry so loud. It's true that Jane is waiting for his call. Up to her last breath she only thinks about him.

He stared at Jane inside the coffin. Suddenly tears starts flowing down his cheeks. He can't say anything. The only words he uttered...

"My baby, i'm so sorry! I could have known, i could have fought for you! i'm really sorry! I love you so much!"

Now, post this right after u've read it.. only if u really luv sumone enuf..

I post this here because I love you enough. I don't like these kind of illogical stories being spread around like blessings. I don't think it's a good way to tell people to reply messages, it just doesn't make sense. The girl in the story is just, one word to describe, stupid. If you love someone, you would try your best to live on, not just keeping laughable one-sided promises and acting innocent.

But I seriously doubt that anyone would be so brainless to do as the girl did in the story. If there is, I hold no pity for the imbecile.

I don't understand those who had forwarded the story, and said that it was sad and treated it like a real life happening.

[Life] An Hour Later

Didn't sleep for 2 days.
The second day, I slept for an hour, it wasn't a deep sleep though.
I wonder what happened after I woke up from the one-hour sleep.
I didn't care, as I couldn't think clearly. My mind was occupied with "Zzzz's".
Some weird things happened.

1. I don't remember doing anything that morning. I wonder how I changed into my uniform and drank my tea. I have totally no memories of that moment. I was told so. Memory Loss.
2. I was not wearing my badges.
3. I skipped time. The clock was saying 6:50 a.m. After one blink, it was already 7:30 a.m.
4. I wonder how I did the assignments. I couldn't remember.
   

(Have to do some brain checking, you'll know what I mean if you had watched The Butterfly Effect.)

After I got home, everything was weird too.

1. My badges weren't at the usual place. They were on the rack beside the sewing machine outside the room, where we keep our clothes hanger.
   
2. I couldn't find my comb. I wondered if I had comb my hair that day. But I found the comb a few days later, it was at the small cupboard where mother placed my comb when I was small, about 14 years ago.
3. I forgot, but I think there was something else that was weird too.

I think it was my subconsciousness who were helping me to go on with my daily life. Some were habits, so my subconsciousness remembers. Thus this is how sleepwalking works. I placed the clothes hanger of my uniform on the rack, with the badges, although I don't know why they were in my hands. Perhaps the cupboard meant something to me, that was why I brought the comb from upstairs to downstairs and to the cupboard, and hid it there.

I got memory loss but made good use of my subconsciousness. Although it misplaced my stuffs, I could still attend my lessons and get home. And that was what happened after an hour (of sleep).

[Quiz] The Sin City Character Test

Nancy
You scored 77% Morality, 44% Killer Instinct, and 44% Insanity!

You are sweet, but your job as stripper makes you less than innocent and your longing for Hartigan coupled with the fact that you were kidnapped as a child by a homocidal paedophile probably knocked some screws loose somewhere. Still, you're every guy's wet dream, right?

[梦呓] 昧袅袅

敲。
敲我头。敲我四肢。敲我躯体。
你将会听到“空空”作响。
就是这样的空、这样的虚。
空得忘记了很多历史，失去了很多时间，也少了三魂六魄。

……（只有省略号。）

仿佛刚从四天三夜的生活营回来。行李在地，屁股在椅。
没有动。虽然脏衣脏鞋要洗，报告作业要写。
臀仍紧粘着椅，视线凝在半空，
似乎看到了空气中的粒子进行着布朗氏运动 (Brownian Motion)。

又仿佛刚考完试回到家的那一天。很软，很累。
虽然牢锁着我的枷锁在分针到达那一处时已解开消失了。
但惯性定律 （Law of inertia; 又称牛顿第一定律，Newton's First Law of Motion) 就是这样。
在没有外力的干扰下，物体的运动方向不会改变。
之前就是一直倚着枷锁的，枷锁没了，也就突然察觉到这种瘫痪，
没办法制止的。

时间并没有为我而停下；我也没有为任何人而留下。

茫茫的气体袅袅上升，藏进了空气分子间。
我躲在我的那一口井。
井底传来吱吱哑哑、喧哗的孤寂。
也许你不晓得这是我完美无缺的歌声。

[Life] Food Chain Part 2

Tha ants were eating my candies on the table again.
I left them there 2 hours ago.
I took one of the candy, opened the wrapper, washed the candy with tap water and I threw it into my mouth.

Then I threw the others into the rubbish bin.
Bacause I don't know where to keep them.
Although I know my stomach is the best and safest place to keep the food.
But I can only eat one at a time.
So I throw the candies with the ants away.

If only problems could be thrown away like the candies too.
But my problem was the ants. Even though the candies were gone, the ants were still crawling on the table.

If only I could be the tertiary consumer of the food chain. Or higher.
Then I could finish my problems.

[Life] Food Chain / 食物链

I left a bar of chocolate
on the table.
Some ants were eating the chocolate.
I ate the chocolate with the ants.

桌上
我留了一块巧克力。
蚂蚁吃着巧克力。
我把巧克力连同蚂蚁一起吃了。

[Thoughts] The Cyst

This is a flash I recently watched, thank you Mich for sharing this flash with me.

Note: Suitable for age 18 and above.

Click here to view "The Cyst" on RainbowAnimations.
Click here to view "The Cyst" on Newsground.
Well, watch it at your own risk.

Note: Spoilers below.



I really like this flash, it's something different, and perhaps, something hidden.
The graphics is kind of rough, but I think it fits in pretty well. Simple graphics, to tell a story not told.

Everyone has his own cyst or burden, or something that he has to carry around. The cyst on the man's arm probably is getting him curious about it. He was trying to do something with it, so he decided to split it open. There was a little fetus in the skin, and there's a long string which was supposed to be the umbilical cord. The man cut it with a scissors. And he died. While his wife was getting her cyst in her stomach out of her using only bare hands. Blood was dripping, but she was smiling.

People get rid of their problems with different feelings and perspectives. And thus they both have different endings.

The Author (Jeremy Lokken) 's comment was 'A man makes a choice with his cyst, while a woman makes another choice.'

p/s: The last few frames of the fetus is adorable.

Feel free to voice up your thoughts.