[梦呓] Insecure
- Not sure or certain; doubtful
- Lacking stability; troubled
- Lacking self-confidence; plagued by anxiety
(Horoscopes magazines say that cancerians tend to feel insecure in most times.)
I don't think I'm the sacrificing type of people, although sometimes the things I did, people say that I'm a dedicated one. But in my opinion, I guess deep in my heart I wanted something in return. I was dedicated for my activities, since I know I'll gain experience that others wouldn't have if they didn't take part. I treat some people nicely, because my belief tells me that they will treat me nicely too. I wouldn't mind to share my feelings, my knowledge and my every thing with you, if you're willing to share yours.
Yes, I wanted something in return.
That's why I have a constant fear for most of the things I'm doing and will be doing. I'm afraid that I wasn't good enough to reach my own expectations. That is why... I don't really ask for anything other than health of my family and friends in my prayers to God, I know that I’m not worth it. God, it doesn't matter whether you believe in Him or not. God is here with you if you believed that He exists. I believe what I believed in. Just like you believe in what you believed.
I don't really share my secrets, if it's really a deep and dark secret, why would I even bother to tell anyone? If I had tell anyone about something, then I'll not be surprised if someday and someone knows it, since it's all within my expectations.
I felt insecure when everything just happened out of my supposition. I don't know what your reaction is if I tell you stories and fantasies. I know that it's nice to be unpredictable sometimes, but not as unpredictable like this. I don't know how you feel. I don't know what you're thinking.
I just don't want to know that our hearts are actually so distant and vain.
Perhaps, I'm just too sensitive.
posted by lili at 3:45 am
2 Comments:
It's always so easy for people to take nice people for granted... everyone just assumed that you'd be glad to do whatever they want you to without you expecting something in return. We all forget that people who are nice are human, afterall. You are who you are because of all the conscious and subconscious choices you make.
Speaking of choices... Sometimes I wondered if I have made the right decision. I'm having doubts. Most of the time. I feel so unsure and insecure. Things aren't that bad, but I tend to feel this way and I couldn't help it. Perhaps my subconscious mind was feeling lonely inside and she just wanted someone to stand by her, and possibly, hold her.
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