[Life] Let Go... Nah

In the end, she still couldn't let go.
There is something that she holds tightly. So what if she's always the odd one out?

While others are doing something, she has to do something else, and also finish the same something that others are working hard on. Therefore she couldn't complete her everything perfect. But she always tries her best in the matter that she concerns most. She just wanted the projects that are assigned to her turn out to be something unique. She is talented, people say.

It's not about the Seven Deadly Sins or something. some people think too much.

Too bad she has bad time management skills.

Anyway, you're still telling her to let go? Nah, she won't.

(She has stopped lying in the corner of the maze. She's finding a way out.)

[Life] Let Go

3, 2, 1.
Okay, let it go. Come on, loosen your clasp, and take off your hands. Let the others fall. Thus they will know how to fly.

She has been greedy all the time. She has too much confidence in herself. She has been as lazy as a sloth lately. Here are three out of the Seven Deadly Sins - Greed, Pride and Sloth.

Greed.
She wanted to know everything. She wanted to learn everything. She wanted to do everything. What is it if it's not greed? It's not easy to carry them all. When everything goes together, there will always be conflicts. Facing difficulties on her superiors, social relationships, tasks... Everything is too much. Well, it's not like she is bad in her everything, she did quite well but is slipping off as time proceeds. But she just wanted to do everything, so that everything will turn out perfect.

Pride.
She thought she was good, good enough to take care of everything. Time is so limited, and yet she wanted to do everything. She was trusted by her superiors. Everyone has confidence in her. She is reckoned as a responsible leader, a dedicated follower, a talented professional... and so on. Standing on top of the mountain, looking down at the little blocks under your feet, do you want to climb down that easily?

Sloth.
In stress and tears, she avoided doing some of her work. In other word, procrastinate.


She just has to let go. Let the others do and learn. It is time.
She can always rest and take a break while standing on top of the mountain. They're old enough to take over the position. It is alright to let them fall and hurt a little. You can still give advice and opinions to them.

It is time for her to do something for herself, before it's too late.
Let go and take a nap.

[梦呓] 不平

有些人很努力很努力，却逃不出那迷宫。
有些人不费吹灰之力，却又好像理所当然地那般轻易逃脱了，而出口竟是世外桃源。
思考模式不一样，想法不一样，结果也不一样。虽然这些看起来都是一样的。
你是前者还是后者呢？我不是前者也不是后者。
因为我没有努力，我在迷宫里的某个拐角






装死。

[Life] Living On Normally

1. Was waken by a phone call.
2. Got myself changed - dark blue hat, dark green top, grey bottom, grey shoes and a dark khaki bag.
3. Had breakfast.
4. Out to Mid Valley.
5. Bought two movie tickets for The Amityville Horror and The War of the Worlds.
6. Lepak-ed.
7. Bought two tank tops, a white and a black.
8. Window-shopped.
   

9. Went in the cinema for the first movie. My seat was between two couples.
10. I'm scared. As if. But I did thought that I'll freak out.
    
11. I like the hoax-like murder case in Amityville. I like the background. I like the house. I like the basement. I like the blood and gore. I like the underground chamber where Ketcham torture the Indians. I like the doll-like rotten faces and sewn mouths... (sorry for spoiling some of the scenes).
12. Met a senior graduate from my school with her boyfriend. We talked.
13. Bought a reload card for my cell phone.
14. Watched Fei Bi (菲比) and William (辛威廉）introducing Sony's new camera.
15. Ate Aunt Anne's original pretzel while listening to William's singing.
16. Window-shopped and sat on a bench to read Comic King.
17. A Mat Salleh smiled at me. Actually I smiled at her first.
18. Went for the next movie. There were couples in front and behind me too.


19. I like the idea. I like the blood strings and blood vapour. I like the terrified citizens. And most of all, I like the beginning and the ending.
20. Met up with my brother and his girlfriend.
21. I miss him.
    
22. Had dinner and went home.
23. Sigh, what a normal and peaceful day.
24. By the way, I'm procrastinating.
    

[Quiz] Which Rock Chick Are You?

Which Rock Chick Are You?

[Life] Shooh.

It seems like I'm getting more and more reserved, self-defending. I read through my old diaries and journals, they just sounded different. It's not only that I've lost all my childhood imaginations but also my willingness to share and to help. I used to write letters to my juniors when I think that they are lost and they need encouragement to stand up again. I like to play that kind of role.

"Yes, I'm always here with you, don't worry."

Bah. Well, I'm not, not anymore. I'm tired of all these. Although I felt satisfied and happy when I see they reply me with their confidence and walk on straight paths. I do what my seniors did to me. Thank you, I really appreciate them. I was proud of my once caring and helpful and responsible personality.

But people change, as time flows. People grow and people learn. The eagerness and willingness to do something will be lesser and lesser. People get more and more self-centered. People are individualistic and materialistic, I say, practical.

"What does your problem has to do with me? You go away and rot. I can't help you. I'm busy and I've got much to do."

Take a look at your feet. Weren't there some hard and coarse skin under your toes and your heels? I believed that most people who write, they are some parts of the hand with those too. This is because your tender skin before couldn't stand the stress and pain that the output causes, that's why a new thick and senseless layer is grown to protect you. This is our nature. That's why we protect ourselves by not involving too much in others' lives, and not contributing too much sympathy for others. Even robbers and rapists like to misuse sympathy and kindness of people. And the beggars on the roads, someone send them here, I know. The people behind them took the money, and not for the handicapped beggars.

"I don't want to care so much. It does me no good, I don't care if you'll thank me or not, but I don't want to waste my time for this/for you."

"Give me a reason why should I help you."

"What for? It's not like you're giving me money for all this trouble."

I'm turning into someone like this I think. I'm not the goody-goody friend or whoever anymore. Don't mess with me. I need my time. I need to do something for myself. I've had enough. Don't ask me for help. Nobody helps me when I need help. And I don't ask for help. So don't ask me to help you.

Don't worry, I know that there are times that I will need you and you will need me. I'm co-operative in times like this. Don't expect me to be good friends with you. Don't expect to get anything free from me. I mean it. I'll be lonely. So what?

At least nobody hurts me. And I hurt nobody. Since there will always be a distance between you and me.

[Life] Far Away From Home

I'm at home. I like my cozy room. I like my family and friends.
But somehow I'm not at home and I knew it. I'm right here but I'm not.

I'm listening to a song by Groove Coverage, entitled Far Away From Home. I turn on the repeat mode on my mp3 player. The song, it doesn't have a gloomy or depressing tune; just like I'm not feeling down although I'm far away. Perhaps I'm just a little lonely, perhaps it's my self-defense mechanism effects. Perhaps I think too much.

Far Away From Home - Groove Coverage

I'm loving, living every single day
But sometimes I feel so
I hope to find a little peace of mind
And I just want to know
And who can hear those tiny broken hearts
And what are we to be
Where is home on the milky way of stars
I dry my eyes again

In my dreams I am not
So far away from home
What am I in a world
So far away from home
All my life all the time
So far away from home
Without you I will be
So far away from home

If we could make it through the darkest night
We have a brighter day
The world I see beyond your pretty eyes
Makes me want to stay
And who can hear those tiny broken hearts
And what are we to be
Where is home on the milky way of stars
I dry my eyes again

I count on you
No matter what they say
'Cause love can find its time
I hope to be a part of you again
Baby let a sign
And who can hear those tiny broken hearts
And what are we to be
Where is home on the milky way of stars
I dry my eyes again

[梦呓] Wish Upon the Stars

I'm waiting quietly and I'm wishing secretly I dare not say aloud what I'm wishing for because I'm hoping that you would know hoping that you would know from my words that has spoken here right here I'm staring blankly into the air can I find your silhouette somewhere you're nowhere to be found because you're right here in my heart but I'm secretly hoping that you're right here in front of me at least wishing that you're right here to hear me out I wanted to be heard and now you know why I always like pictures and words and expressions because these are ways to express and to be heard and thus I started to sulk a little because I have to find someone to talk to but couldn't really find anyone so I started to talk to myself but all the promises that I've made to myself is nothing compared to a meaningless word that you told me I wonder why I feel so sad and lonely but the above statement is a paradox because if it's true then it must be a lie this is a paradox too because it is not completely a lie as I just don't want to believe that the feeling of loneliness is true as I'm too proud to admit that I'm fragile I'm one proud dark red wild rose I have thorns to protect myself and I have what I need to stand on my own feet and to bloom with passion while others are withering and wasting off their life but somehow I transform to one mild white vulnerable carnation when you're right here it is not right because I'm also secretly wishing that you can see the wild rose under my carnation petals and reach the infatuated rose it only could be seen in my little carnation fantasies but not in the reality because you're right here not

Or else I won't be (secretly) wishing upon the stars.