[Life] Where's My Elastic Limit?

Tired. Physically and mentally. I don't feel right.

Am I trying to escape from my current situation? Running away 'cause I'm scared to face it? Yeah, I would. I heard of a meaningful saying, when you've reached the end of the rope, tie a knot and hold on. Well, I like this piece of advice, and I'm practising it. I'm holding on, and I've tied a few knots down there. But damn I don't know how to move forward.

The mood test said that I'm feeling intense. Even friends who talked to me can feel that I'm stressed. Boy, I'm loosening up. I've been wondering and wandering. I told myself to carry on and get through this. I will get through this, I'm formidable, remember? I kept convincing myself (as I always do) but this time I heard some noises (杂声）. They asked me, Why do you wanna get through this? I want to succeed in my life. (Well, i didn't think much) What is success to you? Under what situation you called that success? (Grr...) When I can do someting better, and let everyone else approve me and my work. (I didn't think much too) Why do you want to succeed? Why do you wanna let others approve you? How do you know when you are something better than before? (Ok, I've had enough of this. I felt insulted when people deny and start questioning my belief, especially when I'm emotionally unstable.)

• A force causes changes in length, thickness, or other linear dimension (causes the body to accelerate or changes its velocity).

• Pressure causes changes in volume, which may be isotropic (occuring equally in all directions) or anisotropic (being greater in one direction than another).

So basically, the pressure acting on me now is changing my routine, changing my life, changing my perspective, changing me.

• Elasticity is the tendency of objects to return to their original shape and size after a force deforming them has been removed.

• The elastic limit (tensile strength) of a material is the maximum amount of force (tensile stress) that it can be subjected to before it breaks.

When a rubber band was pulled or stretched until surpassed its elastic limit, the rubber band will either be very loose or it will break. (Do you think I'll break too?)



I get frustrated and annoyed easily. Well, someone might say that it's PMS (Pre-menstrual Syndrome), it's totally normal. If only it were true. If only I can get over it. Why do you wanna get over with it? Shut up. I hear no one. But myself. And I say I am tough. I can handle all this.

I will hang on till the end. Just as I'll finish all the food in my bowl even though I'm already full. Even though I have to crawl...even though my limbs will be scratched and will leave scars. (Even though I can see my eyebags getting heavier everyday, even though I lack sleep everyday)

I'm sorry. I know I have made people around me worry about me. Made people lost faith in me. (Did I?) I'm sorry if I have disappointed you all. Maybe I'm only hanging at the edge of cliff, and I'm still shouting back and believing that I'm alright. I don't really seek for help. So partners, sorry because sometimes I just like to act on my own. It's not that I wanted to finish the whole thing by myself. It's not that I wanted to let others know I've did a lot. It's just that I don't know how to let go of something, I don't like to repeat myself over and over again (to different partners). And somehow I don't know how to let you know what I feel, or what I'm thinking. And...and I just wanted the assignments to meet my expectations. If you couldn't catch what's on my mind, how could you possibly realize my expectations? I'm arrogant.

And that's one of the reasons that I've made myself busy. I'm not really one perfectionist - but in some way...I am. I'm not those who wanted to reach perfection in every single thing, for example, her biology notes just couldn't have a single drop of liquid paper on it, or else she'll rewrite the whole page again. For my kind of perfectionist - I just wanted it to meet my expectations, I wanted my piece of work to be unique and different. That's why I'm scared when I couldn't come up with ideas that I'm really proud of it. I'm afraid that it'll be some ordinary stuffs, just like everyone else's. I'm a coward. Now you know why I'm so easily stressed.

I can't think properly. I still don't know where my elastic limit is, after all the forces that act on me. Well, I hope that I don't have an elastic limit.