[Life] In My Reality Of Dreams
I don't remember most of my dreams.
But there are some vivid dreams that I still remember. I write down my clearer dreams right after I woke up, no matter what time it is, I write down the keywords - the people, the places, the colours, the weather, the food, the animals, the plants, the feelings... Anything that I could remember the minute I woke up. And later on that day, I thought I could remember the whole dream, but then as I look through my notes, I couldn't remember all of them, I missed out some important details, and added some details that weren't in my dream at the beginning.
Memories tell lies.
I guess there are only 7 or 8 dreams that I still remember right now, which I think that it really means something to me. Putting all of them in words is time-consuming. Although I've already wrote down the 3 most recent dreams I had. I might be adding more details if I write the other 4 or 5 out.
There are too many things that I wanted to tell myself in my dreams. A whole lot of them. The dreams are long, including a lot of my inner fears and current situation. It's not nice to see all your inner problems being shown to you in a few minutes or even a few seconds time.
I wanted someone to listen to me. I wanted to talk about it. But I don't know whom shall I talk to and how am I going to make everything - my past, my fears and my secrets clear to them? They don't know them all. They'll probably know some of my past, while the other friend know some of my little dirty secrets, while another know some of my random stuffs.
No one knows all of me. Even if you think you do, I'm still hiding some part of me from you.
I checked my mobile phone, maybe I should call somebody up. There are a lot of contacts but I couldn't find anyone. I logged on my IM, checked my contact list, I know there are more than two who are always willing to lend out their ears, but I don't know where to start.
Still...I wanted someone to hear me.
So I blog. I guess this is the main reason.
I don't know. I don't know where to start. I don't know how. I don't know why. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm still lost. Although I'm pretending that I'm not. There is still a distance between others and me. I don't know who I want to talk to right now. I don't know who you are. Most importantly, you still don't know what I'm babbling about.
I would answer that I'm a realist instead of a dreamer last time when I was answering quizzes, without a doubt. But now I think that I'm more to a dreamer. I would rather my dreams are my reality so that I don't have to learn how to survive in here.
I should stop. I'm lost and confused.
I hope you are not, so you can wake me up.
But there are some vivid dreams that I still remember. I write down my clearer dreams right after I woke up, no matter what time it is, I write down the keywords - the people, the places, the colours, the weather, the food, the animals, the plants, the feelings... Anything that I could remember the minute I woke up. And later on that day, I thought I could remember the whole dream, but then as I look through my notes, I couldn't remember all of them, I missed out some important details, and added some details that weren't in my dream at the beginning.
Memories tell lies.
I guess there are only 7 or 8 dreams that I still remember right now, which I think that it really means something to me. Putting all of them in words is time-consuming. Although I've already wrote down the 3 most recent dreams I had. I might be adding more details if I write the other 4 or 5 out.
There are too many things that I wanted to tell myself in my dreams. A whole lot of them. The dreams are long, including a lot of my inner fears and current situation. It's not nice to see all your inner problems being shown to you in a few minutes or even a few seconds time.
I wanted someone to listen to me. I wanted to talk about it. But I don't know whom shall I talk to and how am I going to make everything - my past, my fears and my secrets clear to them? They don't know them all. They'll probably know some of my past, while the other friend know some of my little dirty secrets, while another know some of my random stuffs.
No one knows all of me. Even if you think you do, I'm still hiding some part of me from you.
I checked my mobile phone, maybe I should call somebody up. There are a lot of contacts but I couldn't find anyone. I logged on my IM, checked my contact list, I know there are more than two who are always willing to lend out their ears, but I don't know where to start.
Still...I wanted someone to hear me.
So I blog. I guess this is the main reason.
I don't know. I don't know where to start. I don't know how. I don't know why. I don't even know what to say anymore. I'm still lost. Although I'm pretending that I'm not. There is still a distance between others and me. I don't know who I want to talk to right now. I don't know who you are. Most importantly, you still don't know what I'm babbling about.
I would answer that I'm a realist instead of a dreamer last time when I was answering quizzes, without a doubt. But now I think that I'm more to a dreamer. I would rather my dreams are my reality so that I don't have to learn how to survive in here.
I should stop. I'm lost and confused.
I hope you are not, so you can wake me up.
posted by lili at 9:15 pm
8 Comments:
Waking life is only illusion.
Dreams are illusion, too.
Who is to say which is more 'real'? Who is to say which is more worthy? Who is to say which is more important?
Who knows if they are truly even awake, or what that even means?
I have dreams that shows inner fear, wishes, desire. It seems real, it seems shocking. But more often than not it is scary. So I never wanted to remember it. Never wanted to confront it.
At the very least you have the courage to confront it I suppose.
Food for thought: Does dreams sometimes shows more of our inner reality than reality itself........
I thought it meant something... so I don't want to forget it. I'm forgetting things lately. I couldn't even memorize all the formulas properly. I can't even remember my to-do list well, even though there's only a few tasks to be done.
I'm
scared to face them all.
It's even scarier to hide inside my inner reality.
(But at least I could close my eyes)
haha, that's a sense of irony there liwen, you are sleeping, therefore you are already closing your eyes, it makes no difference to close your eyes because your reality is there behind your closed eyes.
Does it make sense?
Anyway, I totally agree, memories tell lies because we always try to bend it to our will. And dreams are scary, not so much because they reflect your inner reality but because you realize that your brain has the power to project powerful images that you would've never thought you waking brain could.
Wait, that doesn't quite make sense either :-P
Nothing really make sense if you don't think they do.
I don't have to make sense either.
I had dreams yesterday night too. Dreams are not scary, it's scary when you know what they represent.
And I think I know.
I'm worried and scared of various things at the same time...
I really don't know why they're so haunting...
you sound stressed.
i hope you are remembering to breathe and relax. the more things you try to cram into your head, all labelled 'important!' and 'don't forget this!', the more you will stress and forget stuff.
when i am taking exams, i sometimes forget where i live. sometimes i get a surprise when people know my name or recognise me, because i don't think i've ever seen them before - even my grandparents or my friends.
(but i know all the stuff for my tests!!!)
Thank you emma.
I'm always left out in my studies, especially in science and adv. maths.
I thought I don't mind. I did not mind for some time... but I felt so empty. I could only keep quiet like an alien when everyone was busy discussing how they did their exam papers. Because I just couldn't remember them, and I know I'm running away from my studies.
Friends are rooting for me. I'm scared to disappoint them... and my teachers... Damn.
I'll try not to stare at my notes tonight. And... thanks again.
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